What You Actually Need To Feel

Ahlan Wasahlan!
It's 2.30 am! what???

As mentioned in the previous post, I have been doing much monologue session - thinking about many things...it could begin with the field that i'm in now when it comes to my career world, my responsibilities as woman, my situation in any zone that I could ever be.. seriously, where do I actually need to be now?

Sometimes, being a human this is basically a normal thing that you tend to be doing... REFLECT... yes, that's the verb that we're focusing here... in a way, I always have this habit of reflecting things... to make me aware and be stay conscious and focus to the exact intentions of doing so..

*nampak sangat Saka Omputih dah masuk sebab nak speaking gaban pepagi buta ni*

So, yes... reflect... kiranya recently I've been doing much reflection... thinking about have I did my best for my parents? for my husband? for my siblings? for my friends? for my company?

Yes, benda macam ni matters to me sebab I don't want to leave this world without accomplishing what I supposed to be doing.. Kelemahan? Yes semua orang ada kelemahan, and I tidak terkecuali.. begitu juga dengan diri ku yang banyak juga kelemahan...

Kita akan rasa gembira bila orang yang kita sayang gembira,

Kita turut bersedih bila orang yang kita sayang berduka,

Namun, siapa yang benar faham dengan perasaan kita yang sedang berduka lara?

Siapa yang dapat membaca isi hati yang tidah pernah terluah pada sesiapa? 

Especially when you have tried your best - well at least you sendiri can tell that you went crazy and nuts in order to do things - but still, ada yang tak cukup... maybe sebab expectation orang?

Tapi sampai bila? Kenapa kita susah nak cakap no? Sesakit mana pun kita, kita tabah,,.. kalis peluru dengan segala tohmahan, cacian... tapi... soalannya, sampai bila?

Hingga kini, I have no idea about all the SHIPS that have been troubling one's life... Friendship? Relationship? Battle Ship? What are all these?

I don't have clearer view on what am I feeling now taking me to...  It hurts the most when we hear people say things that they barely know and see our effort, but at the end of the day - kita jugak ditujah... is this really fair?

Well, this has nothing to do with anyone... It's just that... referring to what I've been mentioning - always reflecting...

Serious, i'm sorry to all of you who have known me.. who think that I'm just a clown who makes people laugh and laugh together with you, but what makes me different than you right? I'm  a human.. I deserve respect as you deserve. I can be happy as you can. I am a dreamer as you are. So, what's the major difference now between us?

This post has nothing to do with other people, it's me. Again, I'm reflecting.


Don't you think reflection is good?

So.. what should I really feel now...